Okay, this lucky bastard "pagan109" just told me that he'd gone for a Porcupine Tree show. i knew he was gonna go, knew it for a while, just didn't know exactly when. as soon as he tells me this, these weird, indecipherable, never-before feelings explode. it's a massive turmoil, and i couldn't make out anything. its a cacophony, and its all smeared. just didn't know what i was feeling inside, then gradually the storm inside turns into still, like the dead of the night, black... no thoughts at all, like the tranquility after the storm, the unbearable lull, everything goes blank, turns white... almost... nirvana ?!? i still cant think anything. never happened to me before. just cant push a thought to the back of the head. cant think other things that need urgent attention, not really thinking about this one either. its a grand mess inside the head
after a while i start doing what's supposed to be done, but only mechanically, waste of time, its so bad, m gonna have to discard all this later... then something tell me i should listen to the album Beck - Sea Change. yea... this feels just a little better...just what music does...keep this on...
wth!... brain's still not thinking, frustrated, stop what m doing, just have to get this out of the system... hey isn't that what blogs r for? so here i am...
gonna try to put this into words, then i can get back to work...
its not jealousy for sure... probably should've been... could've been much easier to handle, but no, m not jealous at all...
feeling heavy in the chest... is it in the heart, is that where the heart is? yea feeling heartbroken... thats it... no wait, that doesn't make sense, there's no reason to be heartbroken... if anything, this is a ray of hope, now m a little closer to going for a show myself, as the lucky bastard consolingly tells me... this has made the too-good-to-be-true possibility a little more believable, there's now at least one person i know who's seen it himself. actually i didn't even know such a show was so high on my "list of things that can really affect me"... so then y do i liken this feeling to heavy-heartedness?
Ohh... get it, must be this music... or is it?
okay think its served the purpose, guess i'll never completely figure out what this feeling was, but now its kinda subsided...
gotta get back to shitting now, got shitloads of shitty shit to shit for the college submissions...
thanx for listening...
-anshuman
1 comment:
That feeling must be gas
Try goin for shows. It helps, like the Iron Maiden and Sepultura gigs did for me :P
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